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Update

I miss blogging- be back soon to update! Sooooo much has changed!!!

Riley made it to New York !!!!!

He made it here June 25th, for a 6 week vist! ~Jade we miss you and wish you were here too! ~

Paul & his trains. . . .

The first photo is one of the entrances to the yard. The next photos is Paul being a show off ! The next is two engines tied together. Most of the time a train is powered/pulled by more than one engine because of it length. A train can be miles long or just a handful of cars! The last one: that huge thing is the engine he rides on. He is the conductor. The one who does all the paperwork, calls out signals on the radio, does most of the communication with dispatch, walks the train in the event of any issues with the cars or engine itself. He rides along with an engineer, the one who actually drives and controls the movement of the train.

Harley

She is getting so big ! Here she is November 07(below) & May 08 (above) at about 4lbs. She looks like a big girl but it all fur, she really is tiny. She is a yr old in May. The November picture was with my cell phone's digital camera. The May photos are with our new digital camera, I can now get a really good picture of her. You can see how her coat has thickened, it is so much fuller now.

She loves her boxes. . . .

and her windows!!!

Five years. . . .

It's was five years ago, this month, that my boy left this earth.

I still can't believe it. It feels like yesterday. I still remember that day, leaving the hospital pushing an empty wheelchair. loading his stuff in my van and the drive home. . . it all was so surreal. He fought so hard the day and night before just to breath. I still run the "what if's" through my head. . . What if i had taken to the hospital sooner? What if the hospital was more aggressive in his treatment? I have to stop myself and remind myself that his little body was tired. It was his time. His purpose here was complete and he was needed elsewhere. . . .

The author, C.S. Lewis, described his own similar feelings in a diary that he wrote following the death of his beloved wife. These writings were later published in the book "A Grief Observed," in which Lewis recounts his painful journey and his struggle to reconcile the death of his wife to his strong religious convictions. He commented:

"No one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. . . at other times it feels like being mildly drunk of concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. What does everything matter now? "

No one really understand what one goes through after the loss of a child unless you yourself have been there. I prayer that no one I know ever has to feel this way or be part of this club . . . .

From Healing After Loss by Martha Whitmore Hickman When our whole sense of ourselves seems wounded andvulnerable, one of the ways we can claim our rightfulpresence in the world is to claim the legitimacy ofour grief. That is who we are right now, and it is avalid way to be. We cannot escape the reality ofourselves as grieving persons any more than we canescape the reality of the death of the loved one. In time we will see ourselves again in broader terms. But if, for a while, grieving is the main aspect ofour being, then so be it. We may well move away fromit sooner if we embrace the reality now. We don't oweanyone else an apology. We don't owe ourselves oneeither. "Only by living my grief fully will I be able to walkthrough it and learn what it has to tell me."

R.I.P Grandpa "Caboose"

The ship Grandpa was on and below Grandpa in the Navy Grandpa "Caboose" with Grandma Gumpher Unfortunately Paul's Grandfather past away in April. So off to PA we went for few days! We were both exciting to see his family again even under the circumstances. Paul needed to see family, it had been a while (for family in PA). We were able to meet our niece Katie for the first time and see Roy again, he had flown in from Kansas. I got my "baby fix" by spending time with Katie. We had not seen Kimmy & Steve since their wedding in April of 06. She wasn't spoiled was she? Two Uncles showering her with attention . . . . . .

Katherine Lee joins us!

Our niece Katerine Lee decided to joins us March 5th . She was 7lb 11oz., 16" long , blond hair and blue eyes like you wouldn't believe . She is a few weeks old in these photos. I have to say I love her middle name. . . its the same as mine! Spelling and all. . . hee hee

Kansas ~March 2008

We drove back this time- one long ride ! We only stopped to stretch or to grab some coffee. We drove through New York, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Pennsylvania, Missouri finally making it to Kansas 23 hrs later. We packed lots of snacks, sandwiches, drinks and did have to stop and sleep once when we hit Kansas City, Mo. We were alternating driving but at this point I couldn't drive any further even though we were so close to being there. So we stopped and slept for 2 hrs then drove on.

Riley and Jade have gotten so much taller! They both were so excited to see their dad, we picked them up after they finished breakfast with heir mom. The first thing Riley did when he saw his dad was run to him hug him and cry. . . . ~sigh~ Jade was still, ever more than ever, miss little independant. Paul took her to get much needed new glasses during our time, she pick them out all by herself!

We stayed with Roy this time and it was so much fun! Uncle Roy has a big screen TV and lots of video games so the boys enjoyed themselves. We helped Roy get his snake out of his cage, keep him relaxed and give the cage a much needed clean. Anheimser hadn't been out of his cage for quiet sometime so it took some coaxing. Roy was able to hold a bit more and get him out a few more times during the week. We went bowling to, cooked dinner athom einstead of eating so much fast food, had movie night, relaxed with family, dinner out with freinds and enjoyed Easter dinner together! My Mother in law cooked one day early as were gong to drive back to New York on Easter day. The kids enjoyed an Easter egg hunt at Grandma Brown's and rummaging through their baskets.

We did encounter sickness this trip! Poor Riley and Paul both ended up with strep throat and fevers over 100 degrees for two days of our trip. You can see it in Riley's eyes in some of the pitcutres, he was looking sick for a few days before it hit him. Riley slept for a good 23 hrs and felt a bit better after a shot of antibotics. And Paul did the same two days later.

The kids Summer 2007

The kids were not able to come to NY and visit with their dad and I. Nana Phyllis shared some great photos of the kids since we were not able to go back during the summer to visit.

Riley's orange face happens to be stickers from a yard sale his mom was having that day.

Kansas ~ March 2007

We arrived Wednesday afternoon and spent most of the evening with the kids! They had school the next day so we didn't take them over night right off the bat. Thursday Paul went to Jade's preschool and spent the whole day with her! She was beaming from ear to ear having daddy with her and introducing him to her friends. They played on the play ground, practiced their ABC's & counting and it was opposite day. The next day we all went to Riley's classroom for a St. Patrick's Day Party. We brought green frosted cupcakes and juice boxes in. The whole class thoroughly enjoyed themselves, it was evident by all the "green"smiles we saw. . . Saturday we spent most of the day with Riley's ATA Academy and the St Patrick's day parade they were participating in. Riley was a trooper and walked a good two miles of the parade. Jade pooped out and got to ride daddy's shoulders. Sunday and the rest of our stayed we hung out with Uncle Joe & Uncle Roy, went to the skate park, the movies, ATA a few nights and just enjoyed our time together with both the kids and family. Eight days goes by so fast. . . .

Oh- we also hit the public library one day, as I was going through email withdrawal! I didn't realize it but the kids had never been to the public library before! We spent time on the computers in the children's section, the music room and checking out the rest of the brand new library in Topeka. Uncle Joe hadn't been there either so it was an exciting adventure for us all! We introduced Riley to email and Jade to reading active story books on the computer. Jade was Little Miss Independent during this trip, would not let anyone brush her hair or help her pick out her clothes.

ATA Saftey Demo w/ Riley in it!!

Here is a link or you can view the viedo here of Riley. It was ATA safety demo day and Riley is the very first one you see jumping in the air to kick wooden boards. Nov 2007

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cafi0OGNcZI

Riley at Tai Kwan Do

He does so well but he is so "serious" to watch.

He was a yellow belt at this time.

New addition to the family. . . .

June 2007

We talked about getting an animal of some kind but I really didn't want one at that moment. I had never really had a pet other than gerbils as a kid. I wasn't a big cat fan and a dog would be a lot of work. Well Paul didn't listen, only "heard" what he wanted and came home with a kitten one evening in June. She had fleas, worms, was pretty stinky and had a bad respiratory infection when we got her but she was adorable and so tiny ! Harley was only about 4weeks old the day we brought her home, she fit in the palm of your two hands. The woman we picked her up from said she was 8 weeks but she was way to small to be 8 wks old. She did very well with liter box training and was able to eat & drink all on her own. If she hadn't done so well with the going in the liter box right away I don't think I could have kept her. Paul had, had dogs ( Jack Russell's) and a cat or two before. Harley has changed so much as she gets bigger. She had a chocolate brown under coat with red highlights when she first came home and now has a smoke undercoat and more of a black & grayish high light to her coat color.

Now I can't imagine our life with out her. She is a medium hair, Maine Coon Cat. Very much like a puppy in character, loves attention but also likes her alone time. She fits right in with us. She is amazingly lovable, loves to chase your feet as you climb stairs or walk around, can't live without her wet food and purrs like a motorboat!

Here she is 11/2007

Met the kids. . .

Oct 2006

Paul had been going back to visit through out 2005 to visit the kids. We decided since we had been together 1 yr at this point it was time for me to go back with him & meet the kids! about We went back to Kansas and spent a full week which included Halloween. This was the first time the kids had seen their dad with a girlfriend. They weren't sure of what that meant so it took a day or two for them to warm up to me and figure out it all out. But by the end of the week "I was fun! ". We went the skate park, to the movies, did some shopping for the kids, all around we had a great time! The weather stay warm for us all week. For Halloween Jade was a pirate and Riley was the grim reeper. They came back from trick-or-treating with a load of candy! Uncle Roy and Uncle Joe went with us, it was a fun time. We were able to spend quiet a bit of time with Paul's family and the kids. It would have been a "complete" trip if my angel was there with us. . . I know he was in spirit. ~sigh~